


Until This Day Our Hearts Have Yearned

by shinigami714



Series: Soleil [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blood, Explicit Sexual Content, Felching, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Incest, M/M, Non Consensual, Rape/Non-con References, Rimming, Romance, Scars, Sibling Incest, Smut, Soul Bond, Tattoos, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-15
Updated: 2013-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-15 02:39:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami714/pseuds/shinigami714
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was years ago that Fili left to train with Thorin, leaving Kili so very alone. The gap between brothers feels impossibly wide, but perhaps it's but a small dip in the road.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until This Day Our Hearts Have Yearned

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally an excuse to write some short Fili/Kili smut. But I kind of turned it into a writing exercise, in an effort to get myself back into the swing of things. Last month I was very busy working on a cosplay of Zant from Zelda for Anime North! Sorry it's taken me so long to write anything. Please take note of the warnings. Also…I think my aim is to write a story for every line from Song of the Lonely Mountain, because I love it. Oh, and I'll be going away for a couple weeks around July/August where I'll hopefully be doing a lot of writing. Send me some prompts if you're interested! Pairings I'll write: Fiki, Dwori, Thilbo, Aidean, and Britchell I guess (though I'm not as confident with that one). And I'll take art requests as well! If you wanted something with Bofur, or Bofur/Nori I'm not opposed to the idea.

Kili remembered the day his brother left with Thorin like the back of his hand. He'd watched the two ride down the dirt path until not a speck of them remained in sight. He'd stayed there through the entire night after, even when his mother pleaded with him to come to dinner. He'd sat and waited by that windowsill for a full week before he realized Fili wasn't coming back. Not for a very long time.

So it came as no surprise that he was shocked the day Fili finally returned. Thorin and Fili entered the front door with loud greetings, embracing Dis and laughing heartily. Kili could not bring himself to join them. Instead he stood and watched from a distance, half hidden by the doorway to the hall, while his eyes lingered on his brother. Fili had been on his mind constantly for the past forty years or so. The moment the other dwarf's back disappeared Kili had felt a deep void in his heart that could not be filled. He'd felt so alone, so empty. He'd thought of no one else, and he remembered so vividly the way his brother looked the last time he saw him. The dwarf before him now was a stranger.

Fili had clearly matured while away. Before he'd sported only the bare beginnings of hair upon his face, and now he had nearly a full beard, braided and beaded. His shoulders had broadened and his voice had deepened. There were even a few creases upon his face that had not been there before. His laugh was hearty and mature, and even his nose was longer than Kili remembered. Kili stared at him openly, wondering if the dwarf before him could possibly be the same one he loved and remembered so fondly.

Suddenly Fili's eyes moved and connected with his own, and Kili flinched slightly before looking away with a furrowed brow. Once upon a time Kili might have run towards his brother in greeting and embraced him much as their mother had. But now he felt so unsure about the stranger before him that he could not even look him in the eye. Kili clenched his hands tightly into the door frame before turning and moving to his room, what had once been _their_ room. Kili hadn't made many changes to it during the time his brother was away. Just looking at the bed across from his pained him, and touching Fili's things would have only made it worse. It was exactly the same, except for a few new items on Kili's side.

He sat heavily on his bed and let out a deep breath. How long he'd hoped and prayed for his brother to return home, and yet…now he was not so sure. How could things possibly ever be the same as they once had been? So much had happened, too much. And yet, just the sight of his brother had begun to fill that void he'd lived with for so long. He could not deny that Fili had grown into a very handsome dwarf. He was worthy of the title of king that he would surely hold one day in the future. Kili thought about the way he must look to his brother. Gangly and uncomfortable in his own skin, as though he'd grown into another's body altogether. A light knocking startled Kili from his thoughts and he looked up to find his brother leaning casually against the door frame. Their gazes connected, and for a moment Kili was lost in the brilliant blue of his brother's eyes.

"Kili," Fili uttered, and Kili's eyes skittered away nervously to look at his hands.

"F-Fili," Kili mumbled and he toyed with the quilt atop his bed. The room was filled suddenly with thick silence and when Kili swallowed anxiously it was loud as rolling thunder in his ears. Fili studied the room briefly, noticing the few changes on his brother's side. The blankets were the same old ratty things they'd both grown up with, but there were other things he'd never seen before. Weapons scattered along the wall, arrows strewn about. He pushed himself from the doorway, pulling the door shut behind him, and wandered further into the room, running his fingers across the items on Kili's side, new and old. His eyes lingered on the beautiful bow that rest atop the other dwarf's dresser. So his brother was an archer then. Fili chuckled lightly and lifted a corner of his mouth in a smirk. It was very fitting, Kili never was one to follow the typical path. Fili turned towards his brother once again and looked at him intently before he moved to sit next to him on the bed. The younger dwarf startled at the movement of the bed dipping beside him and looked up at his brother in surprise. Fili was smiling gently when he spoke.

"You've grown," he said softly, then the smile slowly faded from his face and sadness filled his eyes. Fili reached up a hand to brush his brother's bangs aside and Kili sat frozen in place.

"And I've missed it," Fili whispered, his voice full of regret. Kili's mouth opened and closed a few times, at a loss for words. But when Fili tugged lightly on one of his earlobes Kili choked on a sob and finally spoke.

"I've missed _you,_ Fili," Kili whispered the words as he struggled to keep his tears at bay. He felt Fili's hand move into his hair and tighten in the dark locks, and he saw his brother's lips moving from the corner of his eye.

"And I you," Fili answered, and then pulled him into a fierce embrace. Kili wrapped his arms tightly around his brother and pressed his face into the other's chest, allowing the few tears in his eyes to soak into Fili's tunic. It seemed not everything had changed after all. Fili's heart beat still sounded the same where Kili's ear was pressed against him, and his arms felt just as warm and comforting as they always had. And Fili realised that his brother, though so very much bigger than he remembered, still smelt as he remembered, of summer rain and the greenest grass, of forests and nature. He pressed his nose into Kili's hair and breathed deep, while he gave his brother a gentle squeeze, then pulled back to look him up and down.

"You're taller than me now aren't you?" Fili queried with a grin on his face and Kili sheepishly bit his lip. The older dwarf's eyes were immediately drawn there, observing the deep red of his brother's lips, and the fullness of them. His eyes flickered across his brother's face, taking note of his sharp cheek bones and the beginnings of stubble on his chin. He gazed at how Kili's lashes framed his eyes, and the slope of his eyebrows. Kili was more beautiful than he had ever imagined. Neither dwarf spoke for some time, both taking another moment to study each other. Then Fili flicked his brother's nose and nudged his arm.

"Tell me everything!" the older dwarf insisted and Kili raised an eyebrow in confusion, rubbing gently at his nose.

"Everything?" He asked, his voice still hushed as though if he spoke too loudly Fili might disappear again. But instead of moving away Fili began untying his boots, unbuckling each strap quickly, and heaving a great sigh as he finally removed them and tossed them on the floor.

"I want to know everything about you, every moment that I've missed," Fili spoke sincerely, looking at his brother while he fell back on the bed. Kili bounced a little and laughed lightly.

"There's not that much to tell," the younger dwarf muttered, as he picked again at the quilt atop the bed. Fili eyed him curiously and sat up a bit, propping his body up on his elbows.

"I've been gone for forty years brother! Surely you must have some great stories! Remember all the trouble we used to get into? Don't tell me you've given up on your pranks? I find that very hard to imagine," Fili pressed and Kili grinned at him, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"They weren't nearly as much fun without you," Kili said gently and for a moment Fili was unsure how to respond. He knew their separation had hurt his brother, but was only just beginning to see how much. He sat up fully again, looking at the other dwarf's profile. It was more angular than he remembered, though his nose was still thin and slightly upturned. There was one thing in particular that was very different. Kili's smile was strained. Never before had Kili needed to force a smile, seemingly finding joy in everything. However it looked now like it was the most difficult thing in the world just to lift the corners of his mouth. His face was drawn as well, he looked tired, and the closer Fili looked the more things he noticed. Like the tiny scars that riddled his brother's face and neck, and one in particular just beneath his left eye. It was stark white against Kili's skin and Fili reached out to run his finger across it gently.

"You mean without me to share in the punishment," Fili joked in an attempt to lighten the mood, but it fell flat and Kili just stared at him worriedly instead. The older dwarf frowned and brushed Kili's hair back behind his ear before stroking the scar again.

"What's this?" Fili asked gently, and Kili looked away, pulling his face from the other dwarf's touch.

"Just a scar…," Kili trailed off, and his hands moved to fiddle with his shirt instead of the quilt. Fili had never thought his brother the jittery type, but he seemed so very nervous, like he was afraid of what Fili might think of him. The genuine confidence Kili had once possessed was long gone.

"Balin used to say there was a story behind every scar. So what's the story behind this one?" Fili urged as he leant back to rest on his hands.

"It's nothing really, just got careless," Kili answered flippantly, but the hardened glare he received from his brother was enough to make him elaborate.

"I was hunting…and a wolf got the better of me. It was a little too close for comfort, for a moment I thought I lost my eye. But I'm fine, really brother! As you can see, I'm all in one piece," Kili insisted quickly, spotting the horrified look upon his brother's face. Though Fili might have once reprimanded his brother for being absent-minded, he could not bring himself to lecture the other dwarf now. After all, it had clearly been quite some time ago, and instead Fili was hit with the realization that not only had he missed his brother's growth, but also his life. He had not been there to laugh with the other dwarf in moments of happiness, or to drink ale at his side after a hard day's work. He had not been there to comfort the other during times of pain, or to mend his wounds after battles and brawls. And he had not been there to wipe tears from his face, and there had clearly been many tears. Fili's eyes were glued to the scar upon his brother's face and only one question came to mind.

"Are there others?" he asked softly, looking into the other dwarf's eyes when Kili turned his head.

"Other what?" Kili asked, clearly caught up in other thoughts.

"Scars," Fili spoke roughly, and he narrowed his eyes when his brother's breath hitched. He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much. His body had its fair share of scars atop it. Fighting and hunting had a tendency to yield such things, but something about Kili's reaction frightened him. And the more he looked at that scar beneath his eye, the more he questioned where it came from.

"Yes," Kili began, and he folded his arms around himself tightly. The two dwarves sat in silence for a while, Fili pondering while Kili rubbed gently at his arms as though trying to warm his body. Eventually Kili let out a sigh and whispered to his brother.

"There are many you would not like," he admitted, and Fili sat up fully in a hurry. A fierce possessiveness flashed through his mind, and he suddenly became angry at the thought of anyone laying a hand on his little brother. He despised the thought that there were marks upon Kili's body put there by anything or anyone other than him.

"Show me," Fili spoke heatedly, and he pushed Kili back onto the bed and began to lift his shirt.

"Hey!" Kili shouted indignantly, and tried to push his brother off him, but Fili just moved his hands to Kili's sides and squeezed. And then the most incredible sound came from his brother. Kili laughed. Loud and heartily, and finally, _finally_ , his smile was real, complete, and not the shell of a smile that had been there before.

"You're t-tickling me brother!" Kili sputtered through his laughter and Fili laughed with him, completely captivated by the joy that filled his brother's face.

"I'm pleased to see some things have not changed, you're ticklish as ever!" Fili voiced and he moved to tuck his fingers under the front of Kili's tunic.

"Stop, stop!" Kili begged and he bit his lower lip and gripped at Fili's wrists. Fili snickered a bit but took pity on the other dwarf and instead splayed his fingers out gently over his brother's belly. As Kili caught his breath Fili looked over his form. He observed the rise and fall of the other dwarf's chest and the soft flush upon his cheeks. He'd missed this so much, just being with his brother, just being able to look at him and laugh with him. His eyes roamed further, down the other dwarf's slim body, to the bit of skin visible where Fili had just barely lifted Kili's shirt. And it was there he caught sight of a mark on his brother's hip, just above the waist of his breeches. Kili's grip had relaxed around his wrists so Fili moved a hand lower to pull the fabric down a touch and he gaped at the sight. Settled just on Kili's hipbone was a small tattoo of a sun, the rays wrapped around Khuzdul markings. Fili recognized Dwalin's work immediately in the ink work.

"Ûrzudel…," Fili murmured, and Kili opened his eyes wide and looked up at him timidly as his hands tightened again. But Fili took no notice, entirely focused on the dark patterns on his brother's pale skin.

"You…you used to call me this," Fili said and he ran his fingers across the mark, barely tracing the letters within it. He would never forget the day his brother came running up to him shouting it. It was one of the first words the other dwarf had perfected of the ancient language and he latched on to it immediately. Kili always said Fili's hair glistened like the brightest of suns, and that his eyes shone like the sky. Fili had thought it was just the ramblings of a child, that the other would surely forget the word one day, even if he never would. To see his silly nickname permanently etched on his brother's skin, and in such an intimate place, filled his heart with joy.

"I thought you would forget such a thing," Fili mumbled then looked up at his brother.

"Of course I didn't forget, you'll always be…my ûrzudel," Kili responded, and the word rolled off his tongue as though he spoke it every hour of every day. Fili shifted a little, moving his body to lie atop his brother and he pressed his nose gently against Kili's slightly smaller one. It was cold to the touch, but the air between them was warm with their combined breaths.

"Then you must remember what I used to call you," Fili queried with a raised eyebrow. Kili blinked a couple times but nodded gently against him, even in the confined space. The older dwarf smirked and moved to place his lips next to his brother's ear, while one of his hands entangled itself in Kili's dark hair.

"Good, because I thought of you every moment I was gone, my little raven," Fili whispered as he stroked his fingers through the soft locks. Kili shivered beneath him and Fili could not resist pressing his lips to the other dwarf's temple. Unlike the tip of his nose, the skin there was warm and Fili dragged his lips across it and down through the stubble on his brother's chin.

"Ûrzudel," Kili gasped out and Fili felt one of his brother's hands tighten in the front of his shirt. He did not stop however, completely entranced by Kili's skin as his lips moved down further to rest on the other dwarf's neck. He could feel each time his brother swallowed and every breath that caught in his throat, and Fili opened his lips and sucked there, finally allowing his tongue to graze the bare flesh. Kili moaned and jerked up into his body in shock. And Fili chuckled loudly, his lips open where they still pressed against Kili's neck.

"What? Why are you laughing?" Kili demanded, with only slight uncertainty in his voice. Fili sighed and pulled his brother close to his body.

"It seems we're not so different after all, you and I," Fili murmured, and when he looked up the other dwarf was watching him curiously with the remains of a deep flush upon his face. Fili pushed himself off his brother and began undoing his shirt while he watched Kili catch his breath.

"There's something I want to show you," Fili spoke and he smirked when the other dwarf's eyes followed his fingers as they undid clasps and buttons. When he'd finished, Fili stood and dropped his shirt turning his back towards his brother. He heard Kili's gasp almost immediately and turned slightly to see the shocked expression on his little brother's face. He knew what the other was looking at of course. The image of a raven stretched from one shoulder blade to another. The wings were spread wide, intricate feathers flowing out from them, and tribal markings filled the dark shapes.

"F-Fili…," Kili breathed, and he sat up and lifted his hands to press against the design. Fili leant back into his brother's touch and smiled lightly at him.

"Do you like it?" Fili asked, though he could tell by the disbelief and awe in the other dwarf's eyes that he did.

"That…that is not little! It covers your entire back!" Kili sputtered. Fili turned around and Kili's hands dropped slowly into his lap. The older dwarf moved closer and gripped his brother's chin, pulling his face up gently.

"You know, I dreamt of you, nearly every night," Fili said, looking into his brother's eyes.

"Sometimes they were complex. We'd have one of our great adventures, running through the nearby forests, just like when we were young. We'd climb trees together, chase rabbits, until we fell asleep in each other's arms," Fili described, and he moved a finger to run across his brother's lower lip. Kili's eyes were shining as he listened and he closed them as his brother continued.

"Sometimes they were simple, and it would just be you there in my mind's eye, sitting before me with a smile on your face. Sometimes I only saw your eyes, looking at me, or your lips, moving with your breaths," Fili admitted, and his finger tapped a few times against Kili's lip before he removed his hand. The older dwarf touched his brother's thighs and knelt on the floor so he was looking up instead. At the movement Kili opened his eyes again and looked down at the other dwarf.

"The more time that passed, the more they changed. My dreams of you turned…dark, dangerous. I saw you injured and bleeding before my eyes and I grew angry and spiteful. I questioned why I could not have you at my side, why I could not return to you. I even begged Thorin to let me leave, go back to you, to protect you, but he would not allow it. So I had this tattoo done," Fili explained while he reached up to tug lightly at Kili's hair. The other dwarf smiled at him shyly.

"I told him, if I could not have you at my side, I would have you at my back, and what better way, than to have your image cover it," Fili voiced. Kili snickered lightly and grinned so brightly that dimples appeared on his face.

"I bet uncle didn't like that very much," he commented and Fili shook his head.

"Thorin was so angry with me," the older dwarf reminisced, and his eyes drifted away as he recalled the furious rage he'd seen in their uncle's face that day.

"He said I would regret it one day, when I had to explain it was my brother's image across my back to my future spouse. That I was being childish and reckless, like you always were. That my actions were unbefitting of a future king," Fili drawled, his eyes far away.

"And…do you?" Kili asked, pulling the other from his thoughts. When Fili connected their gazes again he saw worry in the other dwarf's eyes.

"Do I what?" Fili asked.

"Regret it?" Kili immediately queried and Fili's gaze softened.

"I could never regret it, Kili. I told Thorin that too. After all, you are the one I plan to wed, and I very much enjoyed showing it to you," Fili confessed, his eyes never moving from his brother's face. The silence between them was deafening, and Kili just stared at him openly.

"That shut him up pretty quickly," The older dwarf joked, but Kili's expression remained the same.

"Are you…serious?" Kili asked, his voice no more than a whisper. He did not seem angered or upset by the other dwarf's words. Instead Fili saw desperation in his brother's eyes, and a fierce hope. He stood and gripped behind Kili's head, tugging lightly at his brother's hair and pulling it gently back. Kili gasped and allowed his head to move with the motion, until he was looking directly up at the other dwarf with wide eyes. Fili knelt on the bed, pushing one knee between Kili's legs and moving closer until his lips rest against his brother's.

"Yes," Fili whispered, moving his lips gently over Kili's until finally he pressed down fully, kissing his brother with a fierce passion. They tumbled down together on the bed, joined by their kisses as forty years of separation collided. They kissed away their fears and worries, as though they had never been apart at all. Neither dwarf questioned it, acting purely on instinct, for both of them knew in their hearts it was right. They belonged together, had always belonged together, and no amount of time apart would change that.

Fili pulled away from his brother's lips only to latch on to the other dwarf's jaw. He kissed a trail down Kili's neck to his collar leaving tiny wet marks in the wake of his lips. He'd dreamt of this so often. Of having his brother spread beneath him, while he listened to his soft sounds of pleasure. For years he'd though it strange, to love his own brother in such a way. He did not even know what the other looked like, what he sounded like. He had only their childhood memories together, and yet, his dreams had felt so real, so very convincing, and more than right.

Finally having the other dwarf willing and before him was unimaginable, and so much better than any of his dreams. Fili pulled apart his brother's shirt, sliding it off his shoulders as he kissed a trail down the center of the other dwarf's chest. Kili was groaning with need and panting irregularly as his breath continued to catch in his throat. He trembled slightly as the tender kisses left behind cold patches on his burning skin. Fili reached his brother's navel, and he blew a single breath of warm air on it before dipping his tongue into the sensitive flesh. He felt Kili's body shake and moved to press a solitary kiss just above the navel before resting his head against the other dwarf's belly. Even there he could still feel the rhythmic beating of his brother's heart.

Fili stayed like that for a few moments, just running his fingers lightly up his brother's sides. Suddenly his eyes locked onto the tattoo on his brother's hip, bold against the pale skin, and he brought a hand down to touch it again.

"Why did you have this done brother?" Fili asked, as he traced his thumb in a circular shape around the image.

"Because I'm yours," Kili spoke, his voice filled with more surety than Fili had heard since long before he had left. Back when Kili had nothing in his way and his dreams reached the farthest of stars. Fili smiled and moved to kiss over the tattoo, laughing lightly when gooseflesh rose across his brother's hip.

He pulled back to look at the design closely, running his fingers over every shape within it, until his thumb caught slightly on a raised ridge. Fili eyed the marking curiously, and thumbed over the faint bump, noting how the skin there felt tougher than the surrounding area.

"Was…there a scar here brother?" Fili asked hesitantly, worried that he might not like his brother's answer. In the end Kili said nothing, and when Fili looked up his brother chewed on his lips with uncertainty in his eyes. It was not the answer Fili was hoping for and he narrowed his eyes before pulling back and looking back down at his brother's hips. He ran his finger along the edge of the other dwarf's breeches, frowning further when Kili cringed and tensed at the touch. Fili moved quickly, pulling down the waist further with both fingers, exposing the other dwarf's abdomen fully.

"Fili, don't!" Kili shouted, reaching to grasp his brother's hands, but Fili's grip was strong and it was too late. The older dwarf nearly growled at the sight before him. Long scars ran across his brother's skin, from hip to hip.

"Where on earth did you get these from brother?" Fili roared as he gripped his brother's waist tightly. Shame washed across Kili's face and Fili loosened his hold before speaking again, this time in a slightly softer tone.

"Kili, where did you get these scars?" he demanded, trying with little success to keep the absolute rage from his voice.

"I told you…there were many you would not like," Kili whispered on the verge of tears and he reached up to cover his face with an arm.

"Kili…please, tell me, who did this to you?" Fili pleaded with his brother to answer him, this time running a soothing hand under his brother's back. When his brother began he listened, his eyes glued to the other dwarf's form.

"It…it happened one night in town," Kili hesitantly started, his voice soft and unsteady, though his arm still hung across his face.

"I was at a tavern of men, with some of the other dwarves. It was…ten years ago or so. Dwalin took me there, to celebrate a successful hunt. I drank a bit too much, just enough to blur my vision and muddle my mind, but not enough to make me sick and stumbling," Kili uttered, and the same strained smile as before appeared upon his lips.

"I stepped outside, just for a moment, to clear my head a bit and get some air…but..," Kili stopped, unable to continue and his lips shook as he tried to find his words.

"But what?" Fili urged gently, fearing what his brother was implying.

"One of the men from the tavern cornered me. I guess he thought I was pretty, he said as much. The men of the town have always whispered strange things about me," Kili's voice was bitter as he continued and Fili's eyes hardened at his words.

"I tried to refuse him, pushed him away but…I was always slighter and he was so much taller…it seemed like he towered over me. Still, it's no excuse, I should have been able to fight him, I should have been stronger," Kili spat, the resentment audible in his voice. Fili's hands tightened in his brother's sides and he lowered his head, completely livid.

"Before I knew it…my…my coverings were pushed down, and he...he h-had a knife to my skin. I froze. I've never felt fear like that before," Kili stuttered, finally allowing tears to run from the corners of his eyes. Fili's hands were shaking where they gripped his brother, and he loosened his hold lest he bruise the other dwarf.

"You must think me pretty pathetic. A grown dwarf that can't even fight off a single man," Kili muttered through soft sobs, and Fili exhaled irritably.

"You mistake my anger brother. I am not displeased with you, but seething with rage at the mere notion that a man thought to hold a knife to you, to mark you," Fili explained and Kili uncovered his face, looking up at his brother with glassy eyes.

"H-he did not get very far," Kili spoke unconvincingly, and Fili raised his hands in the air heatedly.

"He touched you! He got far enough to leave these marks on you! Who was it? I'll find them, I'll tear their throat out, cut their fingers off one by one," Fili insisted moving his hands to either side of Kili's head as he lent close to the other dwarf's face. Kili swallowed nervously as he looked into his brother's eyes.

"He's already dead. Dwalin killed him," Kili muttered.

"Beat him bloody then and there, made him suffer," Kili laughed bitterly, a pained smile upon his lips once more.

"He was outraged, that a man dare touch a 'prince of Erebor' in such a way," Kili whispered and he turned his head to the side to look away. Fili stared down at his little brother, unsure whether he should be relieved at the prospect that the man was gone, or upset that he had not been to one to do it. Fili took a moment to calm down as he watched Kili huddle his nose into his wrist. His brother did not need his anger now; he needed his support, his comfort, his love. Fili moved a hand beneath his brother's cheekbone and pulled the other dwarf's face back towards him.

"He deserved no less. I only wish it had been me that took his life. I should have been with you," Fili lamented, running his fingers gently through Kili's hair.

"Remind me to thank Dwalin, I'm glad you had someone looking after you while I could not," he said and Kili pouted at him slightly.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself!" Kili hissed, but all Fili had to do was glance down at the marks upon his brother's skin and Kili gave up his fight. As Fili continued to stroke Kili's hair, another thought struck him. There was something that his brother had been very vague about, glossing over in his story.

"Exactly how far did he get, Kili?" Fili asked, and again his brother did not answer. Kili licked his lips and blinked a few times but said nothing, though when his eyes connected with Fili's they spoke volumes.

"There are more, aren't there," Fili asked sadly as he ran his fingers across the white scar tissue on Kili's body, and Kili closed his eyes and barely nodded.

"Where?" Fili asked gently. Kili opened his eyes again, remaining silent, but his slight glance down his own body led Fili in the right direction. Fili sat up fully, moving his fingers to stroke along the edge of Kili's pants, hooking them beneath his smallclothes as well. He breathed in deeply, and braced himself before nudging his brother to lift his hips so he could slide his breeches down. This time Kili offered no complaint, and allowed Fili to remove them, though his fingers gripped the bedding beneath him fiercely.

What should have been a remarkable and sensual moment for Fili was greatly diminished by the sight before him. Kili's thighs were completely covered in long sinewy scars, as though someone had taken the time to cut between them with precision and great focus. Fili recognized that the man who touched his brother had not been drunk, but instead knew exactly what he was doing, and it only angered him more.

The thought that disturbed him most however, was how his brother must have looked after such an attack. Trembling and bleeding on a dirty road outside a tavern. Violated beyond comprehension, while he fought through the pain as the sounds of drunken men echoed from inside. And he had not been there, to hold him and comfort him, whisper into his ear that everything would be alright. He had not been there to drive a blade into the man that had attacked his little brother. And he would have, repeatedly, only after cutting off both his hands and cock. He could only hope the god of men would give life to his brother's attacker once more, so that Fili could hunt him through each lifetime, and make him suffer for his deeds eternally.

Fili pulled his brother's legs completely from his coverings, and sat between them, holding onto Kili's thighs gently. Despite the sorrow he felt upon seeing such hatred etched on the other dwarf's skin, Fili still thought his brother beautiful. He took the time to touch each and every scar, running his fingers down their lengths, wishing they would disappear in his wake. But still they remained, and Fili could do nothing but look, and make sure his brother no longer felt shamed. He bent and kissed along the other's inner thighs, then followed his earlier path with his tongue, making sure not to miss a spot. Kili shuddered a bit and covered his mouth with a hand, while the other tightened still in the blankets beneath them.

"Where did he touch you?" Fili asked as his lips grazed his brother's skin. His voice was full of sorrow, and he desperately hoped the other still retained a small amount of innocence.

"He wasn't my one…Fili, it felt so wrong, so very wrong," Kili whimpered, caught in the memory of that day. Fili ran his fingers across his brother, gently toying with the dark hairs between his legs.

"I...his fingers were everywhere. On me…in me…,I hated it, oh Mahal, I hated it so much," Kili cried as he tried to recount the events.

"I remember feeling him pressing against me…it hurt, and he was pushing in. Then it was over, as suddenly as it had started, and I was on the ground. I could hear his screams, and Dwalin shouting. He was furious," Kili choked out. Fili could understand why.

"There was blood everywhere in the alley…his body, was unrecognizable, and it was on my hands as well, my legs. When I looked over, Dwalin was shaking him, yelling at him. _He's not yours, he's not yours_ , he roared it over and over," Kili sobbed, and then he gasped and looked down in shock when his brother's tongue licked along his length.

"Does it feel wrong when I touch you brother," Fili asked, looking tentatively up at the other dwarf. Kili wiped his eyes, his thoughts rampant, and he moaned heatedly and without shame when Fili's tongue moved lower into the creases of his legs.

"No. It feels…perfect," Kili voiced. Fili closed his eyes briefly as he placed light kisses on Kili's body. He would do anything to replace his brother's memories, though he knew that was impossible. Instead he would just have to make new ones.

"Then think of nothing else little raven, nothing but my fingers on your skin, and my lips on your body. Remember only how this feels, my one," Fili drawled, and he gently pulled his brother's legs apart, eyeing the puckered entrance between them. For now he would forget that another had touched his brother before he had, he would forget where the scars upon his skin came from. Instead Fili would think only of pleasing his one, and he moved forward, breathing in his brother's scent as he licked across Kili's hole.

"Ûrzudel…ah!" his brother gasped, and his thighs tightened around the other dwarf's body. Fili continued to lick him slowly, running his tongue over the pucker and sucking lightly on it. When he pulled back to look, Kili was hard and panting heavily, while his entrance twitched as though beckoning Fili to continue. And he did, licking attentively and finally pressing through the tight ring with his tongue. Kili screamed and clenched around it, and he reached down to grip his brother's braided hair. Fili worried for a moment that he'd hurt Kili, but a quick glance proved otherwise. His brother's head was thrown back in bliss and he gasped for air desperately as his breathing quickened. His cock was dripping heavily, and tinged a dark red at the tip, while his shirt crumpled and caught beneath his body.

Kili's noises echoed through the room, and likely through the rest of their home. It would be glaringly obvious to anyone what they were up to, but Fili did not care. He knew they would not be interrupted, not after forty years apart, no matter how lewdly his little brother moaned. Fili could see the other dwarf was on the verge of climax, so he continued licking and carefully slid a finger in beside his tongue, just to the first knuckle, while his other hand wrapped gently around Kili's arousal. He stroked it languidly from base to tip, spreading the fluids that leaked from him. Fili felt as Kili's cock filled and hardened fully, and he knew from the small spasms around his tongue that his brother was losing control. Then Kili moaned and choked on air as he pulsed in Fili's hand, his body shaking atop the bed. Fili raised his head to watch his brother in the heat of pleasure, and then he licked around the head of his brother's cock and down his hand, lapping up the sticky mess left behind.

Kili looked completely sated, his eyes half closed, mouth wide open, and a light sheen covered his entire body. His legs were spread wantonly and Fili looked at him heatedly, grateful that the dwarf below him was truly his. Though as his eyes wandered lower, to Kili's entrance, slick and gaping, he wanted more. He was unbelievably hard, and his arousal ached to be touched, surrounded by his brother's heat.

"Brother?" Kili whispered, pulling Fili's attention back to his face.

"Will you…have me?" The younger dwarf asked and Fili licked his lips, flicking his eyes across Kili's body intensely.

"I don't want to hurt you Kili," Fili confided, though his want was glaringly obvious, and he was already unlacing his breeches and pulling his cock from its confines.

"It's you, Fili, you're not him. You're my one, you won't hurt me," Kili assured him, already beginning to feel aroused again at the thought of being joined with his brother. Fili took a few steadying breaths then fingered his brother a little, stretching him further, though he was not confident it would be enough. Kili was still wet from his saliva, but the last thing he wanted was to harm the other dwarf in any way.

So Fili reached into the drawer beside Kili's bed and shuffled items around until he found a little jar of cream that would work well enough. He unscrewed the lid with one hand, his other still toying with his brother's entrance, before sniffing at it, smelling the sweet aroma of citrus, then he rubbed it on his fingers and cock. He coated himself thoroughly, and ran some across his brother's hole, pushing a little inside. Then he thrust his finger gently a few times, watching his brother carefully. Kili seemed to enjoy it, pushing gently back against the pressure, so Fili added a second finger, doing his best to stretch his little brother. He spread his fingers, and then pushed them deep, running across the gland there, massaging deliberately. Kili groaned lightly and spread his legs and Fili knew he was ready.

"Turn over, on your front," Fili directed as he slipped his fingers away, and Kili complied, supporting his weight on his elbows. Fili bent over him, kissing his shoulder gently, before he rest teasingly against his brother's opening. He rubbed his arousal into his brother's cleft, leaving a wet trail until Kili was panting with need. Only then did he begin to breach him, moving a hand to grip his brother's hip, just over the tattoo there, while he braced himself on the other. Fili pushed in slowly, inch by inch, until Kili pressed back against him and their hips slotted together perfectly. His brother was tight, as expected, and he stayed within him, unmoving for a few moments before thrusting once gently. Kili cried out, clenching tightly and wiggling his ass slightly. Fili began a steady movement, pumping into the other dwarf rhythmically as he ran his lips down his brother's spine.

He knew he was close, but he desperately wanted to bring Kili pleasure again. So he kept his pace steady, and sat back, pulling his brother's hips up with him. He heard Kili's appreciative gasps from the new angle and thrust into him a little deeper, making sure to hit the right spot each time. Then he reached around the other dwarf's front and toyed with him, pulling at Kili's arousal firmly. He tugged on him a few times, and ran his hand across his brother's chest, pausing to pull gently at his nipples. Fili groaned at the new tightness around his cock and sat back even further; pulling his brother along with him so he could thrust up at a different angle. Kili settled on his knees and shins, his legs spread, and Fili used both hands to stroke his brother's skin, moving fingers down his sides and front, before grazing along the inside of his thighs. His fingers passed over the soft ridges of scar after scar, but Fili ignored that, instead focusing on how warm his brother's skin was, and how his legs quaked with want.

Fili could feel his climax approaching, as his cock swelled and his balls drew up tight. He pushed his teeth into the back of Kili's neck, whispering his name there, and then bit down softly while he let go. Fili pulsed inside his brother, and moaned when he felt his release surrounding his cock and dripping out around it. He kept pumping slowly, until the last of his seed filled his brother, and then he opened his eyes to see Kili had come as well. They'd made a mess of the sheets, and Kili's seed dripped down his legs, in jagged trails where it eventually mingled with Fili's. Kili nearly collapsed with exhaustion, slumping forwards, but Fili managed to catch him and move his chest down onto the bed.

Fili stayed within his brother for a moment, catching his breath, then pulled out slowly and watched as his essence leaked from the other dwarf's hole. He promised himself, as he observed the pucker tighten around nothing but air, and the remnants of their coupling, that this was something only he would have. Only he would bring Kili such pleasure, and only he would take it in turn from his brother. Fili ran a finger through his own seed, pushing it gently back inside the tiny hole, and smiling when his brother whimpered and clenched around his finger. He continued thrusting his digit, as the other dwarf made sleepy noises of satisfaction. Eventually Fili grinned and slipped his finger out but he couldn't resist bending and lapping at the pucker one last time. He sucked gently tasting himself as Kili rutted against the blankets, the last of his release leaking from his cock. Finally Fili pulled away and stretched, then settled beside his brother and looked at him.

This time it was Kili that leaned in for a kiss, locking their lips and tongues together heatedly. Fili smirked, knowing that his brother could taste them both on his tongue, and when Kili pulled away it was with dazed eyes and flushed cheeks, and the two lay there just looking at each other for a long time.

"How can forty years be everything and nothing at once?" Kili asked, his voice ragged from screaming, and he ran his fingers down the braids that framed Fili's face.

"Though our bodies were apart, our thoughts were always with one another," Fili responded and Kili grinned. The older dwarf reached out to run his thumb across his brother's eyebrow, before tracing every angle of Kili's face. Eventually Fili found the scar beneath the other dwarf's eye, pausing on it and thinking deeply. Kili had always been different. He wondered how often his brother had been mocked, ridiculed or hurt by others in his absence.

"This scar…was it really from a wolf?" Fili asked. Kili blinked at him a few times, and then opened his mouth to respond, but not a word came out. Instead he continued to blink, his mouth moving silently, until a single tear fell across his nose and he closed his lips in resignation. Fili's face crumpled and he gripped his brother's chin before wiping away the tear.

"Oh Kili," Fili breathed. Perhaps it was a story for another time. For now all Fili wanted to do was hold his brother close, and make up for lost time. He tugged Kili into his arms, brushing wet strands of hair from his brother's face.

"I'm never leaving you again," Fili promised, sealing it with a kiss on his brother's brow.

And he didn't. Through thick and thin, the brothers were at each other's sides. Nothing would separate them. Not the tallest of mountains, the thickest of woods, or the strongest of prisons. No dwarf, wizard, man, or elf would keep them apart. They would forever be bound to one another, in mind, body and soul. Not a thing could tear them apart, not even death, the greatest of foes.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to write a prequel to this, telling Dwalin and Kili's story, their father/son relationship, and describing Kili's life while his brother is away. Is anyone interested? Also I had not intended for this to be quite so angsty…but well, things happened.
> 
> Ûrzudel is Khuzdul for 'sun of all suns'


End file.
